Twenty (Stupid) Questions

Questions I have been asked and the answers I should have given:

1. Can I ask you a question? Yep! You just did - that's all for now.
2. You're pregnant! What is it? A baby elephant, what else?
3. (When answering the phone, I hear...) Is that you? No, it isn't. Who did you want?
4. (Phone rings across the room) Who is that? What? Am I psychic?
5. I ask the question, "Do you want more coffee?" He says, "Is there any left?" No, I just wanted to know if you wanted some, that's all.
6. [My all-time favorite] Is this a movie he made before he died? No, after... he was still under contract.
7. Does this outfit make me look fat? No, I can honestly say the outfit doesn't make you look fat.

Pick -Up Lines I have been asked in a bar and the answers I should have given:

8. Is this seat taken? Yes, Mel Gibson went to the restroom...he'll be back any minute.
9. Where have you been all my life? Well, the first half I was in elementary school...
10. Have we met somewhere before? Yes, weren't you with your wife at this one party...
11. What's your sign? I've always been fond the STOP sign, but right now NO TRESPASSING comes to mind.

Rhetorical questions that require no answer:

12. Who's your Daddy?
13. Where's the beef?
14. Who-who let the dogs out?
15. Can you hear me now?
16. What's love got to do with it? (TT)
17. Do you want fries with that? (okay. This one requires an answer)
18. What's up, Doc?
19. Why so blue, Panda Bear?

The number one question on everyone's lip nowadays:

20. Do you blog?